| The Big BANG!
By Christopher T. Dabrowski
Fourteenth universe in the Theel’s district. Milky Way. Solar system. Earth. Europe. Poland. And to be
more precise: Olecko. And even more precisely: Faulty Street No. 5. A huge block of flats covered with a
dimmed concrete epidermis.
On the second floor, one of the windows opened. A huge light-purple head emerged. One might say, an
alien. But it was no extraterrestrial being. It was just a sixty-five-year-old Frances Z, who had the rest of her
sticking-in-every-direction hair dyed by a friend hairdresser yesterday.
Lately, light-purple was a real blockbuster among her friends. Just as were the songs by Christian
Crusaders with Al Davis.
Frances narrowed her eyes in loath.
The day, just like a saliva-covered chin of a toothless old man, was trembling in the agony of the setting
sun. Dying rays were covering the deadly grey walls of the blocks with a bloody redness. The wall were
totally painted, signed with a spray imprint… that’s the whole of Skawina – the worst district of the town.
Here, every night is baptized with liters of vodka. All the benches are taken by over-testosteronized bald
gentlemen, smoked with pot, throwing yo!’s and fucks all around, chipping living copies of Barbie doll.
‘Sinners. Cocottes,’ Frances mumbled silently, curving nervously her moustache. ‘God shall punish you!’
Although the church negated the Darwin’s theory, Frances thought sometimes that there might be
something true there. After all, when you see those bald v-men, you may have a feeling that you see a
monkey. An itsy-bitsy similarity.
‘Oh! In the name of the Father and Son,’ Frances, terrified of the sacrilege she made, started to pray.
How could she question what the church had told her? Well, how? ‘and of the Holy...’
Barking sounded behind the door.
Hannibal! Oh, the poor thing! She recalled that as usual she forgot to walk the beloved doggie.
Hannibal, or in reality Stan Smith, aged sixty two and a half. A habitual fetishist taking pleasure in
pretending to be dangerous dog and taking advantage of the fact that Frances Z. had a weak sight.
‘Hannibal' was waiting for his 'Mistress' wagging his tail joyfully.
The woman bent and attached his lead.
Outside, Frances let Hannibal loose. ‘The doggie’ wagging his tail with joy went to conquer the
neighboring lawns. But the woman didn’t pay attention either to her pet playing or to the v-men who were
killing time by sticking long needles of stupidity into the bench they were sitting at. The time was swirling
and moaning. But its time was already counted – the young men organized the loudest fart competition.
The thing that caught usually careless Frances’ attention was a drama in the sandpit. There were three
brats at the age of her grandson (seventy-two-year-old Bruno Z.) were tormenting a terribly meowing Santa
One of the boys applied a nelson maneuver to the Santa, making it impossible for him to move, the
second one caught Santa’s legs and the third one was pouring gas over the poor creature.
Seeing there was no time to waste, Frances started walking toward the young sadists.
‘Stop this at once!’ she screamed. ‘Or I’ll make strings from your guts!’
‘Fuck off you dickheaded zealot,’ one of the boys shouted back, reaching for a lighter.
Frances thought it was the highest time (although no one really knows how high the time is) to change
words into deeds. Firing various oaths at the boys, calling them devil’s litter, Satan’s children or bastards
from hell, she rolled up her skirt. Instead of the right leg, she had a machine gun. With her trembling hand
covered with liver stains, she threw away the walking pole and caught the other leg at the knee. She
jumped two meters up in the air.
Meanwhile, one of the devil’s litter managed to torch the Santa's tail. The rest of the Satan’s children
freed the tortured one.
Santa, meowing like crazy, with madness in his purulent eyes run straight ahead into a place known only
Frances was hanging in the air, she aimed as much as her eyes would allow and started shooting.
Unfortunately, instead of the youngster torturers, the bullets reached the v-men’s girls. It was them who the
fearless young men were hiding behind.
The air escaped from the girls with a loud hiss.
Frances fell to the ground.
There was a strange silence, everything ceased moving, even Santa froze, waiting.
The sky suddenly turned dark and the clouds over the block were torn apart, showing the terrible truth.
Frances fell to her knees, raising her hands to the sky.
‘Oh, yeees! The God shall punish us for our wickedness! For lives of sin!’
No one paid attention to ecstatic shouting of the excited old lady. Everyone was looking at the thing that
emerged from between the clouds and was visibly getting bigger, approaching the Earth at a mad speed.
‘This is the finger of God! The Lord has shown his mercy!’ the pensioner was screaming like a turkey
BANG! ‘The finger of God’ hit the Earth hard.
And then a big shadow covered the neighborhood with darkness! And then a powerful thunder
deadened the sinful people! And then the blocks began to collapse! And also the oceans rose!
Oh, one more thing, I almost forgot, and more precisely: And it was the end of the mankind!
Rising to the sky, Frances was shouting, showing her teeth sharp as if she were a piranha:
‘The Looord has shown his meeercy! He’s taking us straiiight to heaveeen! Oh, meeerciful! Let’s prayyy
The old lady went up in flames, going as a rocket into higher parts of the atmosphere.
One of few people who had a much better view of the situation were the astronauts repairing the
machinery of a space station TIC-TAC 3, circling on an orbit. A moment before their death, they saw a
huge cue, coming literally out of nowhere and hitting the Blue Planet with a massive force.
The Earth begun to depart at a deadly speed. Oceans, sees, rivers, billions of people, animals and
everything that was peeled back from the surface now turned into a huge tail hanging at the back of the
running away planet.
The Earth looked like an enormous comet.
The speeding planet hit a band of the Milky Way and missed the black hole. Unfortunately.
God lost – as usual. Once again, Satan proved to be the master of this competition.
|To read other short stories,
click one of the titles below.
|About Christopher T.
Bio: Born in Łódź, Poland in
1978- author, screenwriter. He’
s published stories in many
journals and anthologies.
Translated into English, Czech,
Spanish, Hebrew, German,
Portuguese, Russian, Slovak
(in Playboy magazine),
Hungarian and Italian. Blaze
Kujawa directed a movie
‘Angel’ based on Krzysztof’s
work, and starring Anna Mucha
as the lead character. He
published books: in USA:
"Anomaly" (2019 - Royal
Hawaiian Press), "Escape"
(2019 - Royal Hawaiian Press),
in Spain:"La fuga" (2019 -
Royal Hawaiian Press), and in
Poland: "Deathbirth" (2008 -
Armoryka publishing house),
"Anima vilis" (2010 - Initium
publishing house), "Grobbing"
(2012 - Novae Res publishing
house), "Deathbirth and other
stories" (2012 & 2017 - Agharta
& Armoryka publishing house),
"Z życia Dr Abble" (2013 -
Agharta publishing house),
"Orgazmokalipsa" (2016 -
house), "Anomalia" (2016 -
Forma publishing house),
"Ucieczka" (2017 - Dom
Horroru publishing house) and
"Nie w inność" (2019 - Waspos