‘What is wrong with me?’ I ask from the brown leather sofa, gesturing in frustration as each word leaves my lips. ‘She was a high school girl for Christ’s sakes!’
My therapist, Julia, nods and makes notes. She knows not to interrupt me when I’m mid-flow.
‘I mean it isn’t just me. All the guys my age are going after high school girls. What’s that about?’
Julia shifts a little in her seat. Her chestnut hair is tied back tonight. I start to wonder if all my talk about sex is making her feel uncomfortable. ‘What do you think?’ she asks without looking up.
‘What?’ I can’t help but notice her bare shoulders look especially good in the lamplight. Evenings are the only time that works for me, but the romantic lighting isn’t helping with my urges.
‘Why do you think you and all the men you associate with are pursuing high school girls?’
I drag both my hands through my hair and then rest them over my eyes, blocking out the crisp white of the ceiling. ‘I don’t know. It’s sick and wrong. I know that. I do. I need to grow up and start acting my age. I’m old enough to be their…’
‘It’s OK,’ Julia says after I trail off. ‘There’s no judgement here.’ The words sound comforting, but I notice that she’s still not looking up. No judgement, I think right.
Sitting up, I look around at the inoffensive modern art in her office, all calming blues and browns. There are three pictures, each on a different wall. They all feature large blocks of colour and look as though they were bought as part of a set, which means they are probably mass-produced and not real art at all.
‘Who painted those?’ I ask.
‘Don’t change the subject. What’s your relationship with youth? Do you feel you idolise being young?’ She catches my eye with hers for the first time in what feels like hours.
‘I thought your job was to make me feel better.’
‘No, my job is to help you work through your issues, Jasper. You know that. Then you’ll feel better. Does my question make you uncomfortable?’
‘No.’ I shake my head. ‘I don’t think I idolise youth. I appreciate it certainly, but I think it’s the rest of the world that idolises it.’
‘I see.’ She taps her pen on the pad. ‘What do you want in a partner?’
‘Beauty, intelligence, passion, undying love—the same things as everyone else.’
‘And you don’t think you’d find those qualities in a woman your age?’
‘Look, I’ve dated women my age, and it didn’t end well, OK?’
‘Why do you think that was?’ Damn. I didn’t mean to say that. Now she’s leaning forward. I can see her cleavage. And her neck.
‘Honestly?’ I lunge across the room. ‘It’s no fun when they’re vampires too.’
She screams, but it’s over fast.
Blood lust. I haven’t yet found a therapist who can cure it.
About Simeon Care: Simeon Care is an English writer of sci-fi, fantasy and horror. The narratives he creates usually involve elements that are dark, mystical and otherworldly. His debut novel about an anxious philosophy student who sees demons is currently on submission.
